Finding Love on the Internet in Midlife

Single women in midlife are often interested in getting back in the dating game, but they dont know how to go about it. After years or even decades of marriages that ended in divorce or the death of a spouse, how do women in their 40s, 50s, and 60s meet men these days?

An increasingly popularand successfulway is through Internet dating. Judsen Culbreth, author of The Boomers Guide to Online Dating (Rodale, 2005), answers FAQs about finding love online:

Why is online dating a good choice for single women in midlife?

First, mature daters are the big growth industry, and men are more likely to be online than women. Men like technology, and they feel that online dating is a logical choice. Its a great way to screen candidates. Everyone is a prequalified prospect; theyve said, I want to date. Where else can you go to get applications for a relationship? People disclose things they would never say in a bar. Its more of a sure shot. And its a less stressful way to meet people. If you dont like someone, you dont have to go there.

What would you say to women who are reluctant to try it?

Some are hesitant because theyre still waiting for Prince Charming to show up. They want meeting someone to be fate. Thats likely to happen when youre youngin high school and college or just out of collegebecause everyone is single and you mix and mingle all the time. As you get older, most of your friends are married and its much harder to meet available men. Thats why more and more women 35 and older are trying online dating sites. Its a simple and effective way to meet people.

Do you advise women to post their profile on a variety of sites or choose one and stay with it?

Just as youd go to a department store if you needed a lot of items, and to a boutique for that one special thing, you should visit a variety of Internet dating sites. Try some of the big ones, like Match.com and Matchmaker.com. These have millions of users so you can get a lot of what you wantgeography, income, personal habits. There are so many people using them that youre more likely to find someone. And if you have something specific thats important to you, like religion or ethnicity, go to one of those sites. Do both; its so cheap, a subscription is less than one night out on a date.

What are some tips for creating a good profile?

A positive attitude is very important. Midlife daters want honesty, warmth, and shared activities. Were heading into the best years of our liveswere more likely to be financially secure and have free time. We want people who are fun to be with. Avoid the pitfall of asking for too much. At this stage, youre just trying to meet someonedont list every quality a person must have. Talk about yourself. This can be hard for women in midlife because we have so many roles, but this is about you, not your family or your past relationships. And do post a photo. If you dont, its a red flag.

How computer savvy do you have to be to use Internet dating?

If you can e-mail and get on the Internet, you can date online. If you cant post a photo, many sites will help you. And there are helplines for any questions or problems you may have. Dating sites make it as easy as possible to use them.

Visit some Internet dating sites, and see if they might be something youd like to try. Whether youre looking for a committed partner, a husband, or just someone to go to the movies with, you may well find him online.

Carol Weeg writes and edits Finding Our Way: Wit and Wisdom for Women, the newsletter for thinking women in midlife. Carol inspires women to explore their lives todayfrom work, to relationships, to dealing with perimenopause and menopause (is it hot in here?). Visit Carol Weeg on the Web at http://www.findingourway.com to download a free sample copy of Finding Our Way.Party
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